Do you ever have one of those days where you just don’t feel good about yourself? Like no matter what you achieve, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough. Or you acknowledge your accomplishments, but you don’t actually feel happy about them.
I am having one of those days. One of those weeks, actually. Even with everything I have accomplished over this past year, like making great progress with my Anxiety disorder, there are times when I still feel like I have a long way to go. I feel like I’m not doing enough, like I am not enough. There’s no one specific thing bothering me, but I just have this general feeling of…indifference, I guess. It’s not that deep, dark, despairing depression but the kind where you feel like everything is dreary and grey, and things that normally make you feel better seem to lose their effectiveness. Even taking a walk in the beautiful, sunny weather today didn’t really seem to help me.
I feel stuck. I’m not moving backwards, but I’m not moving forward either. I’m frustrated and tired. Despite getting a normal amount of sleep I still wake up exhausted. It’s been affecting my ability to concentrate and perform at my best, and that is the frustrating part. On top of that my chronic pain issues have been flaring up. Sometimes I find myself just staring out into space, lost in thought, not really engaging with the world.
Even though I am in this fog, and sometimes I feel like it won’t clear, I still actively try to use some of my self-help tools. They may not be working that well, but I believe that doing something is better than doing nothing.
So if you’re experiencing something similar, remind yourself that you are human and you’re allowed to have off days. Acknowledge and accept your feelings, and do your best to move through them without completely shutting yourself off from the world. You might not have the energy to do it but try taking small steps.
I remind myself that this feeling will pass. I also have to remember to be kind to myself.
I think we all need to remember that.
Ayesha is a fourth year student at the University of Toronto, majoring in Psychology and completing a double minor in Cinema Studies and Sociology. She enjoys watercolor painting, fantasy fiction, and crime dramas. She was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Social Anxiety.