One major struggle I have is dealing with uncertainty. I don’t like the unknown. I like having things planned out for myself, and always knowing what’s coming around the corner.
I will be graduating this year, and while I am looking forward to having a break from going to classes and studying for tests, I don’t have any set plans for what I will be doing once I graduate. I know I will be applying to grad schools, and I’m also looking into finding work, but other than that, nothing has been set in stone. I’ve been having a lot of mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, while I am happy to move onto a new chapter of my life, I am also kind of terrified. Being in university has been nice and comfortable; while academic demands are always stressful, knowing I had another semester to go and something set in place for me was reassuring.
With graduation approaching, I have to start figuring things out: Where am I going to find a job? Which graduate programs am I going to be applying to? I have to get reference letters and look into programs that interest me, while also focusing on doing well academically this semester. The pressure is on to figure out exactly what I am going to do with my life. It also becomes stressful when other people start asking you about what you are going to do, and this makes me feel even more pressure to figure everything out.
However, I am trying to prevent myself from thinking too far ahead like I normally do. I am going to spend the next few months trying to take things slow by focusing on the task in front of me instead of worrying about the end result.
I am ready to stop letting fear get in the way of accomplishing my goals. As I mentioned in my very first post, my goal is to just keep moving forward even if I am not entirely sure where I am going.
Uncertainty is uncomfortable. Uncertainty about the future can stop us from taking risks or leaps of faith. But if there is one thing I know for sure, it’s that things aren’t always going to go your way, even if you have everything planned out ahead of you. So trying to figure out every little detail about your future is usually not very productive. It is definitely useful to have goals and a sense of where you are going, but you still need to leave some room for error. Even though this period of my life is bringing me some stress, I recognize that this transition is a good thing.
I don’t know what will happen this year. I don’t know what exact career I want, or if I will find a job after graduation. That’s kind of scary, but it’s also kind of exciting. I think it will force me out of my comfort zone, and in the end I will be a stronger person because of it.
“I can live with doubt and uncertainty and not knowing. I think it is much more interesting to live not knowing than to have answers that might be wrong. If we will only allow that, as we progress, we remain unsure, we will leave opportunities for alternatives. We will not become enthusiastic for the fact, the knowledge, the absolute truth of the day, but remain always uncertain … In order to make progress, one must leave the door to the unknown ajar.”
― Richard Feynman
Ayesha is a fourth year student at the University of Toronto, majoring in Psychology and completing a double minor in Cinema Studies and Sociology. She enjoys watercolor painting, fantasy fiction, and crime dramas. She was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression and Social Anxiety.