We’re all feeling those damn winter blues

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned as a highly emotional girl in an oftentimes sadness.jpgunforgiving world, is that every feeling you have is only temporary. You can choose to look at this one of two ways: 1) that feelings of lucidity, clarity, and maybe even happiness are only fleeting; or 2) that feelings of desolation, bleakness, and hopelessness are only taking over your brain for a period of time; a period of time that will indefinitely run its course. Either way, I’ve found a certain peace in accepting that these turbulent ups and downs are out of my control. They’re out of everyone’s control. 

I know that I’m not alone in often thinking: Is something really wrong with me? It can’t be normal for me to feel this unhappy all the timeJust yesterday my neighbour dropped by and the very first thing she said was: this winter is really starting to get to me. I think it’s getting to all of us, and short of getting on the next flight to Cuba and becoming a beach vendor, there’s not a whole lot we can do about it.

It feels like I’ve tried everything but medication to combat my lows. I want to understand why I’m feeling the way I do and I want to be able to fix myself because I hate the thought of this ugly depression controlling me and not the other way around. I want to be stronger than that, and every day that I don’t feel better feels like a failure in itself. So now I’m trying acceptance. Maybe I’m feeling  blue as an ends to a means; maybe I’m feeling blue now so I can feel better later. 

One thing to keep in mind: At any point something good could happen to you. I know “could” possibilitymay not seem comforting, because “could” is a far cry from a guarantee. I know it’s hard to invest your hope in a mere possibility. But think about all the times in your past when something good happened to you. Did you always see it coming? Did you anticipate how much better it would make you feel or how it might have changed the
trajectory of your life? Maybe not. 
I think it’s okay to invest your hope in “could” because surprising things happen every day, without warning. It can be hard to see that when you’re experiencing days, weeks, or months of depression and claustrophobic anxiety because being in that state can make you feel foggy and shortsighted. All you can really do is try to maintain faith that at some point one day, in a long stretch of bad ones, that something is going to change for you and you’re not going to feel this way forever.

ZAKIYA KASSAM12312232_10208039303806073_238423358_n

Zakiya has her degree in journalism from Ryerson University and currently works as a freelance content writer based in Toronto. Zak is a dedicated journal-er and enjoys writing and reading fiction, particularly science fiction, in her free time. Mental illness is something that has touched her life and the lives of her loved ones, so she is supportive of anything that brings attention to and provides new perspectives about mental health.

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