Whiplash (Or, Making Responsible Decisions™)

BY CHELSEA RICCHIO

A month and a half after ending this relationship, in no way did I feel like I was ready to start dating again. All I wanted to do was hang out with my friends and recuperate. But all of my friends were either happily coupled up or active on the dating scene, and I was starting to feel left out.

So I re-downloaded some dating apps I’d used in the past – they’d never worked for me, but I figured that there was no harm in talking to a few people online for a little while to boost my confidence.

And then I had my first match.  “_ says, ‘I walked into a cactus once.’ Message him and ask him about it!”

Obviously I did, because that is literally the best icebreaker ever. Continue reading

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Lessons From Closure

BY RACHEL WONG

When I broke up with Adam* after a failing relationship that lasted six months, I was finally free from all kinds of unhappiness. Admittedly, I had fallen in love with Adam very quickly – one minute we were talking for the first time, the next minute we were holding hands. Soon after we were meeting the families and stealing kisses from each other.

Our relationship started before we knew it and unraveled just as quickly. Though we would 051af58265dd8457690008cfc3ed3652449423-wm.jpgsee each other on a regular basis, he would always avoid talking to me. He was always too busy to hang out, never comforted me in my time of need and did not want to be seen with me when his friends were around. I couldn’t understand why he was acting this way, especially when a few weeks beforehand he was calling me “the best thing that had ever happened to him” and “his beautiful girlfriend.”

Now, almost two years after we parted ways, we seem to be on amicable terms. But over the two years, I never had closure. I never understood why he broke up with me. What did I do? Did I say something, or do something? Did he fall in love with someone else? Was I not pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough?

Recently I worked up the courage to ask Adam why he acted the way he did towards me during our supposed relationship. His answer was simple – “I just fell out of love with you.”Though he apologized profusely for leading me on and not owning up to his feelings towards me sooner, it led me to two conclusions.

Continue reading

To Make Up, or Not To Make Up

BY RACHEL WONG

Based on my experience, girls in general tend to be a little more concerned with their appearance and self-presentation. From their hair red-carpet-makeup.jpgto their clothes, make up to accessories, everything is meticulously planned and coordinated with the intention of showing off the best version of themselves.

I am no stranger to spending great lengths of time with my makeup, trying and re-trying outfits and making sure that everything looks just right. But when it comes to my motivation for trying to looking great, it is always for myself. I wear certain clothes and do my makeup a certain way for me, and not for anyone else.

I bring this up because I was confronted with this the other day. As I fixed my eyeliner in the school washroom, a girl that I would call an acquaintance asked me who I was trying to impress. She knew fully well that I am currently single, and in a very serious voice, she asked me if I was going out on a date, or if I was trying to pick someone up.

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Big Girls Cry

BY CHELSEA RICCHIO

I make scrapbooks for every year of my life, and though I took a break for a few years, my 2015 was so eventful that I was motivated to pick the hobby up again.

While doing a page of events that occurred around this time last year, I revisited some blog entries I wrote at the same time. One of them features lyrics from the song “Big Girls Cry” by Sia. That song hit me hard at the time because it described exactly what I feared I was becoming – someone who is living a mundane life, bored out of her mind, just surviving and not really living. I’ve been that girl before. But there were extenuating circumstances that made me that way. I don’t want to be that girl again.

post-64.jpgAnd for a while it looked like I was escaping that reality. Sure, there were some days like that, but I had a pretty fun year.

But it’s been more than 3 full months into 2016 now and I think I can safely say that I have become exactly what I feared. Most of my days have been like that, and even more now that I live alone. “I come  home, on my own, check my phone, nothing though, act busy, order in, pay TV, it’s agony.” Replace “order in” with “eat Doritos” and “pay TV” with “Netflix” and that is my life in a nutshell. Continue reading

I’m Happy You’re Happy – I Just Want To Be Happy Too

BY CHELSEA RICCHIO

I’ll be honest, my blog is late this week because I simply could not get my thoughts together in time yesterday. And I still am debating whether or not to post this because it is still such a jumble and some of it feels like self-indulgent whining, but I think I will because I think honesty is important. I made a commitment to write every week about what’s on my mind, and this is what has been plaguing me for the past two weeks, whether I like it or not (I don’t).

I used to think about my never-ending pursuit of love constantly, and for the past couple of years I’ve been thinking about it a lot less, or at least in a different way. I moved back to the city, I was having fun, making new friends, and I did have a couple of short relationships that just ‘happened’ when I wasn’t really looking for them.

But now that I’m living on my own, it’s all I can think about again. All I can think is, “I am enjoying this, but I do not want it to last forever.” I’m afraid that I’m going down a path that will end up being not just a fun experiment or chapter in my life but the whole story. Without the distraction of another person around all the time I am thinking about my past relationships and how much I miss them. I think about these people who acted like they loved me for a couple of months and then stopped.

And I keep thinking about the fact that all of my exes are in those happy, healthy, loving relationships that I want so badly.

Those thoughts were stronger than ever yesterday, on the same day that my most recent “proper” relationship ended a year ago (I don’t date a lot, clearly). I wish I could do some kind of “IT WAS ALL FOR THE BEST, LOOK HOW GREAT MY LIFE IS NOW, DON’T GIVE UP KIDS” post about that situation but I can’t. It wouldn’t be totally honest.

But I can say that my perspective on the situation has changed. Continue reading