Understanding Monsters and Why People Cheat


For the first time in the almost two years since I finally broke communication with my ex, I feel like I can now fully sympathize with her for something she did that I never thought I ever would.

I understand now why my ex cheated on me with my best friend.

Granted, she’s still a monster. It’s still despicable the way she deceived me for months, largewith my best friend at that, and that when it was finally convenient for her, she disposed of me and almost pretended that our relationship never happened. But there were a few moments in the months leading up to discovering their secret affair that I have never understood until now.

I’m going to reference an anime I finished last night (Thursday morning to be exact) called White Album 2, so for anyone who cares, there’s some major spoilers for that show coming up. (I also hesitate to recommend it, because as good at it was, it was the first piece of media I ever consumed that really punched me in the gut).

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The Real Thing


When you’re heartbroken, people say that one day you are going to meet someone who will show you why it didn’t work out with anybody else.

And I’m happy to say that I think I found that, at least in a way.

I’ve mentioned before that I was with someone for three months who was also in a serious relationship at the same time.

I didn’t mention how great OUR relationship was. But yeah, I admit it – it was short, but it was great. And I don’t regret it. Morality aside, it gave me something that I needed, which was a picture of what I want my relationships to look like.

I’m okay with this situation ending the way that it did as long as something good comes of it. For him I hope that this helped him to figure out what he really wants and go after that with 110% of his efforts, and have the courage to move on if it doesn’t work out. And for me I want it to be that I never forget this. So here are my favourite things that happened, so that I have a record of it on this blog that is supposed to be the story of my life. Continue reading


Say you’ll remember me, 
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks,
Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your
Wildest dreams

This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go
This night is flawless, don’t you let it go

You’ll see me in hindsight, 
Tangled up with you all night
Burning it down
Someday when you leave me, 
I bet these memories follow you around
-“Wildest Dreams/Enchanted”/Taylor Swift


It’s the day before New Year’s Eve, and I’m lying in bed with an adorable boy. His arms are around me and he’s falling asleep. I am staring up at the lights that hang above my bed, and I smile because they look like stars. Life could be worse.

He pulls me closer and I am so grateful for this moment, even though I know that it is fleeting.

tumblr_myyitbQSWF1qc4uvwo1_500We’ve just been cuddling for a while, and that’s all we’ve done today because I am in the middle of a depressive episode and I’ve already used most of my energy for the day in an effort to be a real person (shower, eat, clean the litter box, feed the cat, pick things up off the floor, and so on and so forth).

I also have a cold, but lying next to him I almost forget. It’s easier to breathe and the pain in my muscles is gone. With this thought, I have a brief moment of deja vu – I’m lying in bed with someone else 51 weeks ago, and I have a cold and I am having this exact same thought.

I sit up suddenly and I say, “Do you ever have years where at the end of them, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything?” Continue reading