When Paths Diverge


Routine makes life so easy. We become so set in our ways that sometimes it’s hard to let go, especially when we decide to go one direction and life pulls us the opposite way.

When it comes to friendships and growing up, it took me a long time to really understandparting-ways the obvious – that we all grow, and when we grow, we change. We are exposed to the world everyday and we learn so many new things. We meet new people and engage in new opportunities. All of these experiences shape who we are, and ultimately, we find like-minded people to spend time with along the way. Spending time with those who are similar to you can put you at ease – it feels natural to open up to people that you can relate to. But when friends inevitably change and paths no longer align, it can take a while to realize that it might just be time to part ways.

. . .

Alicia* and I were inseparable. It’s hazy in my mind now how we even got to being friends, but we have known each other since we were 6 and we have stayed friends ever since. Like most friendships do, ours had its ups and our downs, and we were there for each other during times of both triumph and sadness. We were the kind of friends that talked all the time about the future and what our lives would look like together: we’d be each other’s maid of honor at our weddings, we’d get matching SUVs and we’d alternate hosting play dates for our children during the day.

It was a very idealistic way of thinking, but despite reality eventually hitting us, we made it – sort of.

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Lessons From Closure


When I broke up with Adam* after a failing relationship that lasted six months, I was finally free from all kinds of unhappiness. Admittedly, I had fallen in love with Adam very quickly – one minute we were talking for the first time, the next minute we were holding hands. Soon after we were meeting the families and stealing kisses from each other.

Our relationship started before we knew it and unraveled just as quickly. Though we would 051af58265dd8457690008cfc3ed3652449423-wm.jpgsee each other on a regular basis, he would always avoid talking to me. He was always too busy to hang out, never comforted me in my time of need and did not want to be seen with me when his friends were around. I couldn’t understand why he was acting this way, especially when a few weeks beforehand he was calling me “the best thing that had ever happened to him” and “his beautiful girlfriend.”

Now, almost two years after we parted ways, we seem to be on amicable terms. But over the two years, I never had closure. I never understood why he broke up with me. What did I do? Did I say something, or do something? Did he fall in love with someone else? Was I not pretty enough, skinny enough, good enough?

Recently I worked up the courage to ask Adam why he acted the way he did towards me during our supposed relationship. His answer was simple – “I just fell out of love with you.”Though he apologized profusely for leading me on and not owning up to his feelings towards me sooner, it led me to two conclusions.

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Merry Christmas To Yourself


Sad gingerbread manJoy to the world? Not for everyone.

There’s enough pressure as it is to be 100% on your game no matter what you’re dealing with throughout the year. The fact that there’s one day (and for some people, many days) where you have to be 150% for the sake of family and friends and peace on earth and mercy mild can be incredibly stressful.

There’s enough advice out there on how to achieve that “total peace” for the holidays, but for a large number of people, this isn’t always possible. What if you, unlike the rest of the world, don’t have a reason to celebrate the holidays this year?

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Creatures of Habit


I’m a sucker for life’s most clichéd experiences. I love sweet sixteens, frosh weeks, and of course, New Year’s Eve because these cultural events rightly signify that we should recognize and celebrate our milestones.

I think the fact that we celebrate these milestones as vigorously as we do speaks to a larger theme, which is that humans are creatures of habit. There are a lot of things that we do primarily because we always have. This can be a positive thing, like celebrating New Year’s with people we care about, for instance, or saying thank you to the streetcar driver even though he is just doing his job. Good habits stick, but bad habits are oftentimes stickier. Continue reading


Say you’ll remember me, 
Standing in a nice dress, staring at the sunset, babe
Red lips and rosy cheeks,
Say you’ll see me again, even if it’s just in your
Wildest dreams

This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go
This night is flawless, don’t you let it go

You’ll see me in hindsight, 
Tangled up with you all night
Burning it down
Someday when you leave me, 
I bet these memories follow you around
-“Wildest Dreams/Enchanted”/Taylor Swift


It’s the day before New Year’s Eve, and I’m lying in bed with an adorable boy. His arms are around me and he’s falling asleep. I am staring up at the lights that hang above my bed, and I smile because they look like stars. Life could be worse.

He pulls me closer and I am so grateful for this moment, even though I know that it is fleeting.

tumblr_myyitbQSWF1qc4uvwo1_500We’ve just been cuddling for a while, and that’s all we’ve done today because I am in the middle of a depressive episode and I’ve already used most of my energy for the day in an effort to be a real person (shower, eat, clean the litter box, feed the cat, pick things up off the floor, and so on and so forth).

I also have a cold, but lying next to him I almost forget. It’s easier to breathe and the pain in my muscles is gone. With this thought, I have a brief moment of deja vu – I’m lying in bed with someone else 51 weeks ago, and I have a cold and I am having this exact same thought.

I sit up suddenly and I say, “Do you ever have years where at the end of them, you feel like you haven’t accomplished anything?” Continue reading